truth hurts, and heals

At first I thought that we could do something awesome together, but instead of confessing our weaknesses to each other, we each esteemed ourselves higher than the other. Looking down at each other, we moved quickly from seeing possibilities, to seeing only depravity. We both ended up confessing with our actions what we were too prideful to confess with our lips. Our experience varies, but our experience is the same.

I think that our father counts us each as one, one , one, not in succession as one might count those finishing a race, so I have decided not to lay claim to that first position, or second, or third. We have each already been placed in first, so to grapple for third is foolishness. Having walked away from that fight, I begin to notice others continuing to trample each other during that struggle toward the top. While considering their lowly existence, among them I notice myself again. At this point you might think that being intent on living in peace, holiness, I would call everything to a stop and drag myself out of the fray. That might be my first reaction, but frequently, on my way to do so I catch notice of someone stepping on me. I then abandon the rescue mission, decide to sit back and have a bite or two of bitterness heavily buttered with pride, and watch the show.

Carrying bitterness I can never find relief, nor can I find peace. I can never find lasting joy or any real, good thing. Carrying bitterness all I can hope to find is fault in others. I no longer look ahead toward transformation; I only see where others fall short of my values or achievements. I forget God's great love and rich forgiveness for us all, for me. I see only depravity and I am blinded with disgust, failing to understand that the same filth covers me and fills me through and through. There is no freedom in the root of bitterness.

There can be no freedom outside of forgiveness. I find myself in need of both each day, or would each day if I were blessed enough to find myself awakening that often. As Truth finds us today, we are forgiven of God, and forgiving of others, forgiving and forgiven. It's all His forgiveness. As we accept His forgiveness of others, it fills us and covers our own faults. The river flows, and the channel can hold only what it delivers. Think about it. We are forgiven and forgive at once, together only by His power.

Let's take time to confess our own shortcomings, experience forgiveness, and strengthen each other. Let us abandon our chains. I have selfishly sought my own above all others. I have been hurtful in diverse ways, causing suffering, and turning others away from the truth. I am sorely ashamed and in tears I ask God to hold me here in a broken state.