Found this journal entry today:
[Jun 23-10]
[11:00am]
[Thinkin of when I was 19 right before I fell away from the Lord. Not that it will happen again, but that the circumstances are similar. Shortly before falling my car broke, I lost my glasses & my employment. Whatever the Lord is taking me thru, His plan hasn't changed.]
At the time of this entry my car had just broken down, I had lost my glasses and my employment. The next month I turned 29, and the following month I walked away from the Lord. In a short time I started smoking cigarettes, then drinking alcohol. Then came smoking marijuana, within minutes snorting cocaine watching porn on a 72" flat screen, and soon after abusing pain meds, snorting heroin, and regularly spending time in a dark fetish club called fallout. Rarely did I have to pay for these destructions, but I would pay. I dissolved into a lifestyle of beer for breakfast and illicit sex. By December I had become falsly convinced I'd contracted a deadly STD. I was a coward who could not face my lovers, and I was struggling to pay rent. The new year came, and I stole money from a good friend of mine, fled Richmond, and sought refuge in Brattleboro, my younger brother's home.
