devil's gambit. the wilderness, part 2

My head had just come to rest on the pillow. "tonight your soul will be required of you [in hell]", the voice spoke as terror struck me through. Panicked, i sat at the foot of my bed. "but serve the evil one, and you will live."
"never." "if my soul is reserved for hell and I die tonight, that will be my end, but I will not serve the enemy."
I didn't die that night. The devil is a liar. Never before or since have I heard the voice of the enemy so clearly. It still strikes me as odd, the ploy. I find it difficult to articulate the puzzling nature of this interaction. While the terror and foul foreboding were thoroughly convincing, it still feels like an 'easy A.' Would I betray the King for a little more time knowing my fate was already sealed? No. without question, but the reasoning is both apparent and veiled.

"therefore being justified by faith we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ, by whom also we have access by faith into this grace wherein we stand and rejoice in hope of the glory of God."

where have I been? the wilderness, part 1

On July 5, 2011 I began to reside at Beekman House, a group home or therapeutic residence for those suffering from a variety of disabling psychiatric disorders. Having been hospitalized multiple times and treated with many different medications, after months of professional care, my doctors have yet to determine a particular diagnosis. I've endured a great deal of psychological discomfort, the chief of which being times of extreme terror during which I could communicate only desperate pleas, fearing that each breath might be my last, urging the necessity that those listening commit their lives to Christ, as emphatic a presentation of the gospel as I expect any of them may have heard or may yet hear.

"do not rejoice over me my enemies: though I have fallen, I will stand up. Though I sit in darkness, the Lord will be my light."