a new name

in a thousand stones I discern more than a thousand faces. i see the face of beauty and things grotesque; all manner of beasts and the fairest wonders. they press in all around me, each asking my name. when not one is left upon another, how many will know.

I am drawn toward every side by things pleasing to look upon, magnificent distractions seeking my embrace, and I am pressed on, threatened, taunted from every direction by loathsome and detestable apparitions that by any means I might be moved from my place. Setting themselves against the knowledge of God they test my resolve as His Son. With all that is in their power they strive to convince me that I am anything other than a sovereign, but my authority and obedience are one in that name which is over every other. I am a wind that’s shakes the very foundations of this world and all its inhabitants. My response to, “What is your name”, differs none from that which I will answer to, “Where is your God?” 

I AM.

Infatuation

Doubt creeps in, slowly devouring the dreamlike state. The early morning hours now gone, washed out by the sun's imposing rays, had given shelter to an apparition of something truly amazing. This gentle dance of new delight, by noon appears to warrant fright. How many ways affection does accost the status quo with threats of joy. The sweet savour of close proximity utters vain imaginations and calls upon the weakness of our composition to unite with the dark chasm far below. True friendship looks beyond the swirling tempest of intemperate infatuation and holds fast to that better thing which is already in hand. It waits for that day when acknowledgement of mutual respect and adoration is not something to be obtained or bartered for, but without effort, without burden or strain, is simply understood. It is this beautiful day that we long for and often foolishly believe we can hasten into being, but you do better.

In Your Eyes

Every revolution of the earth finds it more out of balance as my love for you continues to grow. Waves of passion swell and crash against the former city walls - coming forth not by the call of the moon, but by a source of light holding far greater sway. 
In your eyes I have the hope of a future, the dawn of a bright new day.
In your arms I feel the warmth of a noon day sun.
From your lips flows a peace I've never known, and your heart is a wellspring of joy.
In the presence of your word I begin to know truth.

No hand can mark the page with an image that communicates the joy found only in your smile, or somehow tell the truth of love the way it pours from your eyes, none could deliver peace as does the softness of your touch, or learn to reach and captivate hearts like the sound of your voice alone does mine.

taking care of my end

What pain is in a kiss.
That gentle taste of (shadows masquerading as) morning's light.
It makes a mockery of love.
(a crippled champion, a lame stallion)
How it pretends to tell the measure of my devotion:
That my heart could span this great divide and still bear the weight of best intentions
This foolish notion casts a pall, and steals our vision.
My affections lie.

finding the fight

I have asked for a battle, bored with my life, and I find that this dead life is the battle.
I reached out for a tougher conflict and found that these easier, softer fights are the more difficult.
I am straining to see the application of principles from the hard to the easy, in hope that they will be the bridge that I can cross.
Am I a bridge from the contrast to the gray, from the gray to the contrast?
Soak in the hot, and the warm feels cool. Bathe in the frigid, and the cool feels warm. 


Asking for battle was like asking for opportunity to represent His justice, his victory over the enemy, but this petition was made with false expectations for what it would look like when it showed up. A sharply pronounced battle is coming, but on the front lines today, in the face of our own shame, we are embracing His judgment over our lives, turning back the enemy at the gates to His garden.

truth hurts, and heals

At first I thought that we could do something awesome together, but instead of confessing our weaknesses to each other, we each esteemed ourselves higher than the other. Looking down at each other, we moved quickly from seeing possibilities, to seeing only depravity. We both ended up confessing with our actions what we were too prideful to confess with our lips. Our experience varies, but our experience is the same.

I think that our father counts us each as one, one , one, not in succession as one might count those finishing a race, so I have decided not to lay claim to that first position, or second, or third. We have each already been placed in first, so to grapple for third is foolishness. Having walked away from that fight, I begin to notice others continuing to trample each other during that struggle toward the top. While considering their lowly existence, among them I notice myself again. At this point you might think that being intent on living in peace, holiness, I would call everything to a stop and drag myself out of the fray. That might be my first reaction, but frequently, on my way to do so I catch notice of someone stepping on me. I then abandon the rescue mission, decide to sit back and have a bite or two of bitterness heavily buttered with pride, and watch the show.

Carrying bitterness I can never find relief, nor can I find peace. I can never find lasting joy or any real, good thing. Carrying bitterness all I can hope to find is fault in others. I no longer look ahead toward transformation; I only see where others fall short of my values or achievements. I forget God's great love and rich forgiveness for us all, for me. I see only depravity and I am blinded with disgust, failing to understand that the same filth covers me and fills me through and through. There is no freedom in the root of bitterness.

There can be no freedom outside of forgiveness. I find myself in need of both each day, or would each day if I were blessed enough to find myself awakening that often. As Truth finds us today, we are forgiven of God, and forgiving of others, forgiving and forgiven. It's all His forgiveness. As we accept His forgiveness of others, it fills us and covers our own faults. The river flows, and the channel can hold only what it delivers. Think about it. We are forgiven and forgive at once, together only by His power.

Let's take time to confess our own shortcomings, experience forgiveness, and strengthen each other. Let us abandon our chains. I have selfishly sought my own above all others. I have been hurtful in diverse ways, causing suffering, and turning others away from the truth. I am sorely ashamed and in tears I ask God to hold me here in a broken state. 

a futile visitation, a fertile seed

Jan 17, 2006 - the visitation

I had terrible dreams last night, literally "terrible." Look it up if you need to. So gruesome, that I did not want to get out of bed this morning, or even to open my eyes. The thought alone of these things happening is enough to break a man. They have happened, and will again, but to experience it is traumatic.
The weight of these dreams remains within me, but for a purpose. The torturers were represented as physical beings, but were so much more. The destruction that they waged was horrible in a physical sense, but was so much more. I experienced probably the worst earthly experience possible, and to make it worse, it was all representative of the spiritual, and real.
Matthew 10:28 And fear not them which kill the body, but are not able to kill the soul: but rather fear him which is able to destroy both soul and body in hell.  This the Holy Spirit brought to my heart regarding these dreams, saying don't fear these earthly events, stand against these spiritual slayings, because this is real, this is serious, and this is happening now.
If we are destroyed spiritually, it is by our own choice not to meditate in His word day and night. It is by our own choice not to let His praise continually be on our lips. It is by our own choice not to pray without ceasing. Offer yourself as a living sacrifice.
Choose now life or death, blessing or cursing. Will you yield to God's will, make all of your time His, and become truly alive in His love, or will you give your life to daytime TV, video games, your job, fill in the blank, and sit helpless in agony as your children are beaten, burned, raped and cut apart piece by piece, watching as what is left of their shell is tossed at your feet? If we do not become Holy and separate to God, then this is what happens, maybe not physically, but then we aren't to fear the physical, but the spiritual, and there, it has already started. We need to wake up. All we ever have is right now, and we need to stop throwing it away.
This has been deeply troubling to me, and it is the message given to me from from God again and again. At times I have listened and followed with truly amazing results, but I have become lazy and fallen into spiritual atrophy, inviting the enemy to bring destruction. We must urge each other on toward the life that we have been called to IN CHRIST.

Summer '06 - the seed matures

In this dream a group of destroyers, devils, appearing in human or near human form had captured a number of families including mine (and myself). We watched as first the children of each family were tortured - to put it nicely - then killed. The chopped remains of the children’s' mortal frames were then tossed upon the parents - torture enough - before the parents were then tortured and killed. I watched as my own children suffered the indescribable agony. Covered in the slop of my children’s' remains, my turn came, and I was brought before the destroyers. They were like a pack of wolves with a distinct leader. I don't think that I could ever forget the pungent feeling/understanding/smell of his presence. Consider the feeling and knowing of being saturated in glory in the power of the Holy Spirit. It was of that spiritual nature, but external, potent only inferior and opposite, quite dark. I could feel the heavy terror emanating from him, reaching for my soul, but it could not connect. It's nothing to suffer for a short time and for our bodies to die. There could be no fear; all suffering is temporal when your true existence begins and ends in Christ. I began to become aware of the hotel room where I had gone to sleep, the other bed, the bedside table, the opposite wall, the TV cabinet, and directly behind me, the lead destroyer was still present in all his fullness, his darkness. It had not been only a dream. It had been a visitation, and still was. Once again there was an attempt to bring me under this nearly inescapable fear. While the attack was quite strong, I discerned the enemy's awareness of its futility; he attacked only because he was compelled to do so. Then the Holy Spirit spoke into me, "And fear not them which kill the body, but are not able to kill the soul: but rather fear him which is able to destroy both soul and body in hell..." I let His words of peace fill me, and perceived the evil spirit shrinking away. As it left I could discern the attitude of disdain, grumbling, complaint at having been forced by authority to be there. This was puzzling and disturbing. I knew that God had allowed this visitation for a purpose, but I did not know why. What I had written Jan 17, 2006 was all I knew of His purpose relative to this visitation. This was not a 'fun' experience, and I would not have asked for it, but for His purposes I am willing... anything.
A few months passed, and I was vacationing in Atlanta with my family. One evening my wife and I had agreed to let our children stay the night in their grandmother's hotel. Having dropped them off, we approached the parking garage elevator that would take us to our level and found that a man had held it for us. He asked which floor, and pressed that button, only that button. He allowed us to exit the elevator first, and as we reached our vehicle I became aware of how very close behind us he was. I stopped at my vehicle, and he was directly behind me, not more than a blade's length between us. At that moment I perceived the terrible presence of the destroyer once again, now from within this man, right behind me. An unmistakable feeling/knowing/perception/smell having known it before. Immediately the Holy Spirit invoked in me the peace of His words spoken to me that morning months before: fearlessness. I had been allowed or provided the visitation months earlier as an acquaintance to prepare or program me for this moment. God had placed in me a seed which matured at that instant as a shield of faith. I had no doubt in that moment that I could not be touched.  The man quickly moved away from me, greatly surprised, dumbfounded.  I do not know what that man's motivations were for killing me, or what exactly he experienced that night, but I have not forgotten his face.

Do not view today's unpleasant experiences as an absence of God's provision for your life. Trust that His ways are higher than yours, His thoughts higher than your own. 

Die Today!

Ecclesiastes 9:5-6 "For the living know that they shall die: but the dead know not any thing, neither have they any more a reward; for the memory of them is forgotten. Also their love, and their hatred, and their envy, is now perished; neither have they any more a portion for ever in any thing that is done under the sun."

Wow this is great!! We need to kill ourselves. Don't get me wrong, I don't mean suicide, I mean surrendering our flesh to God to be "mortified". If we bury our flesh with Christ, then our "love, hatred and envy" have died also. Our love has died, so that we won't be partial to one over another. Our hatred has died, so that now can share in Christ's love for all people. Our envy has died; we have no recognition of our selfishness because it is dead, rather in Christ we think on what we can do to meet the needs of others.

This verse is great in that it gives us an eternal perspective. Meditating on this word of God allows the Holy Spirit to take our focus off of self. Instead of serving and seeking a reward for self, He reveals to us the reward we have already, life in Christ, abundant love. Seeing eternally that "All things work together for the good of those that love Him", we don't have a logical reason to seek our own. To put it Ecclesiastically, our efforts in that arena are "vanity"; surrender your "self" to Christ today.

a dream, a pebble, a love

I had a dream that I had pressed much feeling and desire, hope together. I pushed it all together, pressing and pressing until it was this tiny pebble. I took that little pebble and placed it aside, away from all my other things. I put it in a special place, a place for things that belonged ONLY to ME. Later while praying, I sought clarity and direction on a certain subject, and He asked for my pebble. I had to give all of my hopes and desires related to this issue up to Him, holding nothing back, placing me at peace with whatever He wills.  It became clear to me afterward that this tiny pebble was my hardened heart, given up to Him in exchange for abundantly beyond all that I can ask or think.

Diffusion

written sometime in '06???

Heard a song today, one that I have listened to many times, but I heard it differently this time. Basically it says that you can look at problems in society, in your church, in your home etc. and without fail trace them back to sources outside yourself, to sources you would not consider to be within your sphere of influence, but in actuality, we are the issue. We, meaning Christians as individuals and as a whole, and our position as children of the king, as His bride, puts just about everything within our sphere of influence.

"We've been blowing up, we're the issue.
we are the fuse and the ammunition."

This really hit me. There are always so many issues. So many take issue with so much, seems like we have gotten really good at picking up on what others are doing to cause problems. I don't remember the last time I went a day without getting an email about issues arising out of conflict between Christians and the amoral society that has been forming throughout the world including the U.S. I don't think I have ever made it through a day with out hearing about issues one has with another. This is the issue; that is the issue. No. "We've been blowing up, we're the issue."

When we surrender our will to God, the only one with the right to take issue is Him. Sure He takes issue with much of what we see today, and He has made His stance clear. He has also made it clear that vengeance is His. "I will repay", He says. This covers everything. The moment we move to enforce justice, we move outside of His love. His plan for us is forgiveness, tenderheartedness. We may get stepped on, but we have put our trust in the God of Justice, knowing that His judgment is much more pure than our own.
If we concern ourselves with things that we are not in a position to change, and not led by the Holy Spirit to change, then all the time spent thinking or acting that issue is fruitless. If we lived in His will as intended, then instead of wasting time trying to fix a broken system, we as individuals submitted to God would as the body of Christ, bring healing to the broken people of that system, and the system would be consumed by the Kingdom of Heaven. Spending our time debating issues and struggling to set things right outside of God's will for us is like fighting over a piece of bread when He has prepared a feast for us. DOING that which is NOT of His will, means we are NOT DOING something that is His will for us to do. As for "sitting by", doing NOTHING is no better than doing SOMETHING against His will, because His will is 'doing'. In doing nothing, you go against His will. Please do not be confused, there may be an occaision that His will concerning a certain topic may require you to DO NOTHING related to that particular circumstance.

Becoming the solution vs. taking issue
Matthew 6:25 Therefore I say unto you, Take no thought for your life, what ye shall eat, or what ye shall drink; nor yet for your body, what ye shall put on. Is not the life more than meat, and the body than raiment?
Matthew 6:31-32 Therefore take no thought, saying, What shall we eat? or, What shall we drink? or, Wherewithal shall we be clothed? (For after all these things do the Gentiles seek for your heavenly Father knoweth that ye have need of all these things.
Don't spend time being concerned about your needs and the ongoing situations that affect you. Matthew 6:25 says, "Isn't life about more than just these things?" It moves us toward thinking of something other than our selves. What is that something? Keep reading! Matthew 6:32 adds, "He's gonna take care of you!!" It answers the question, "Who's going to take care of me if I don't?"

6:25 begs me to stop thinking about me and start looking to the needs of others, whether spritual, physical, mental or emotional. If we stop thinking of ourselves [after coming under the power of Christ], we become free to look back at how well we looked out for ourselves [Though we may not have done a very good job in all our trying.], and we become free to look out that well for others. [A problem that I have struggled with is this terrible trick of the enemy: trying to look out for, or meet the needs of others, while under the power of self or by human effort - no dice.] "For all the law is fulfilled in one word, even in this; Thou shalt love thy neighbour as thyself." Galations 5:14 This commandment is great, because we already know how to do it. We've been loving for years, we have just been loving the wrong person. Now we need to stop loving ourselves, and start loving those around us.

31-32 are much like "Cast your cares on Him, for He cares for you." Romans 8:68 kicks it up a notch saying, "For to be carnally minded [to have your mind oriented to flesh or self, i.e. using even good sense or good logic in place of submission to the Holy Spirit] is death [anything other than His plan for you.] but to be spiritually minded [Having your mind & will surrendered to and focused on or better, in union with Christ and His Holy Spirit] is life and peace." [right now amazing peace, and a permanent provision of peace, true peace: completion, wholeness, lacking nothing]

I think it is really neat that these two verses were phrased in a similar fashion so that they might be grouped together, because there is a sweet connection between the two. It is a little difficult to explain because the idea is, in a way, a circular reference. [Have to love God for being circular.] Here it is. Once you do stop thinking of self and 'lose your self' to Christ, once you reach the position of trust in Him where you live without thought for your needs, only with submission to His leading, His answer to that, the peace, the completion [promised in 6:31-33] places you in His will and allows Him to set His plans for others in motion through you. You become [by His plan] His hand, His voice, His love in the lives of others. You find out that the "more than food" and the "more than clothing" that life is about is bringing these and more to those people God has entrusted to you. In Christ and by His Spirit, you are the delivery on God's promise of spritual, physical, mental or emotional [not necessarily in that order] provision to someone else. One verse speaks of needs being met by God, and one speaks to something better than just your needs being met; When you comply with the demands of either [they both say "Take no thought for your own provision..."], you become someone's needs being met by God.