"He loves Thee too little, who loves anything together with Thee, which he loves not for Thy sake." -Augustine
Having my first and fullest delight firmly set in who he is, it was finally OK to enjoy things, not for their own sake, but as tokens of his love. It had been only months since I had come to understand that we may take pleasure in the things of this world without compromising our faith. Having found rest in him, I had begun the practice of receiving all things for the significance he brings to them, as context for relating us to himself. We walked along the beach at night, maybe seven of us, but none was closer than he. We climbed and sat upon a small lifeguard stand, (all of us!), and sang over the dull roar of the ocean: hymns, and songs from our favorite musicals, and Disney movies, unashamed. The voices in harmony were beautiful, the childlike regress, magical. His song over me was far better.
The next morning I had a conversation with one of the bright young ladies vacationing with us at "Papa's Palace." She was quiet and reserved, but I wanted to hear about her faith! I asked her questions like, "What excites you?" and not knowing my boldness, "Is there something in particular that deeply troubles you?" In response to the latter she drew back and said essentially, "I hardly know you. What are you after?" It was no secret that I'd made her quite uncomfortable. I explained that I was merely trying to get right down to the marrow in which all of her happiness rested. Red-faced and aghast she talked about trust and building relationships over time. She made plain how abhorrently foolish it is to skip right to dessert, my words, and though I really could not believe her at the time, I was blessed with the humility to listen. Praying about this that night, I was enveloped in his rest like never before, again. Yes, it was true. She was right! Why had I not seen this?
"The best surfer out there is the one having the most fun." -Phil Edwards
My 'now good friend' is part of a ministry he refers to as "surf church", and was glad to teach me the basics of surfing during this trip. This. Was. A. Blast!! It was loads of fun, and I learned something of the overwhelming power of the wave. They come to shore so fast that in order to catch a ride, you have to paddle toward the beach with all your might! This comes after having paddled out to the break point, against the incoming surge. This was exhausting. In fact, it was impossible in the beginning. I paddled and paddled and paddled and paddled trying to get out to where I could catch a wave, to no avail. I wasn't strong enough. I didn't have the proper form, nor the strength, nor the stamina. I had to practice in the shallow water, where the waves were already breaking, where I could push off of the bottom with my feet and gain momentum before paddling to catch the wave. This worked! I learned how to catch a wave, to stand up on the board and ride it in. I was able to rest between sets, I learned to paddle correctly, to some degree, and I gained the strength needed to paddle out over the once formidable breakers.
Satisfied in the Lord, I really enjoyed the process of learning to surf, and not getting it right, and that being OK. Besides, there never was the smallest chance of experiencing the joy of the depths, without first appreciating the fitness of the shallow. Likewise, gratefulness to God for the people he places in our lives, without respect to particulars, is the path to rightly treasuring their complexities. There is great joy to be had in kindness shared among acquaintances, sometimes because much remains unknown. The relationships I have, just as they are today, are his gift to me. These are part of the context through which he's inviting me to enjoy his pleasure, and there's no pressure to get out to where the waves are breaking. The rich, intimate friendships I long for, in which great magnitude of thought and emotion can be shared without hesitation or discomfort will come about after lots, and lots, of paddling!
"The hard working farmer must be first partaker of the fruits." -2 Timothy 2:6
In prayer that night, I saw for the first time how perfect all of my relationships are each day, provided I receive them from a loving father. Even with the tensions which burden some of them, there remain abundant opportunities for our good and His glory. I saw something else that night, a glorious treasure: I saw his full enjoyment of the current depth of our relationship. That is not to say I saw the full extent of it, but that there wasn't a lack of satisfaction on his part because of my difficulty in opening to him. Jesus had held nothing back, offering him full intimacy, and there's no question of whether I'll be made like him. He is secure in his own goodness, and in his commitment to bring me to recognize and embrace it. This is peace. This is patience. This is kindness. My rest in him is enriched by his pleasure being independent of the present maturity of this rest. In like manner, now he makes us alive to the service of others.
The power of the sea is both frightening and majestic. It's enough to know a surfer who's willing to bring me as far as he's gone, at the right time. We'll play in the deep once we've grown.
