longing for the light

 “The lamp of the body is the eye.  If therefore your eye is good, your whole body will be full of light.  But if your eye is bad, your whole body will be full of darkness.” -Jesus

What disturbed me the most was the pervasive confidence in an understanding, a wisdom that failed to incorporate or even attempt to address that which was beyond the veil.  It was as if everyone had set all their hopes and purposes for this life on that which was secondary, their wills being directed by what their talents could afford them.  I believed in truth, justice and equity.  I couldn’t accept that some were exalted while others were humiliated merely by nature of their composition, whether strong or intelligent or weak or simple.  Seeing this in the world strengthened my despair.  I would not cast aside what I knew was true.  One prospers while another starves.  I withdrew from my education, my socialization, my assimilation into this system that uses bread as a medium of the will.  I wouldn’t move another step closer to being manipulated by the fear of hunger.  Twelve years old, curled up in a ball on my cousin’s floor, I was having an identity crisis.  They determined that I was clinically depressed, abnormalities of levels of certain chemicals in my brain, a sickness.  How blind they were.  My body and mind were functioning perfectly well, and responding with impeccable precision to the spiritual reality that I was encountering.