Lost without your love inside the fear that takes its place
Why do I seek out shadows and disgrace
When I know your heart aches after me
Torn with love and mercy, that I might see your face
You say come to me, come to me now
We can let the pain let the past fall away
You say come rest in me
I'll give you a brand new day, a brand new name
Oh bring me to that place oh God where I once blessed your name
Let a purging wind, flame and violence strip me bare of all my sin and shame
I'm crying out, Father look on me with love
So lost again just tell me I'm your son
You say come to me, come to me now
We can let the pain let the past fall away
You say come rest in me
I'll give you a brand new day, a brand new name
Here inside your warm embrace, I'm finding nothing separates
How can you be so good?
You endured my treachery, my disaffection, and then you spilled your blood
Then you spilled your blood
You say come to me, come to me now
We can let the pain let the past fall away
You say come rest in me
I'll give you a brand new day, a brand new name
All to you I owe, and there's nothing that can match your endless love
Here inside your broken heart for me
Don't ever let me go
Don't let me slip away
VIDEO
20121209
20121129
The Gift
How long 'til you find it has rained all these years?
Your parry and thrust bring no end to my tears.
Aloft in fear's flight seeking love to prevail,
The hand you won't hold holds the wind in your sails.
On thru the night marches discontent blind.
Each step falters further, no freedom you find.
Onward still onward to capture the crown,
So closely I follow, yet no joy you've found.
There is no greater love than this:
That a man would lay down his life for a friend.
This struggle yeilds sorrow, each seed soiled sounds:
Black trumpets, dark timbrels, light struck to the ground.
But rise again rise to pursue all the more,
To lift and to flower love's banner of war.
Once scattered and broken the good seed springs forth,
A light in the darkness to alter your course.
Great branches extend, growth eclipses the past,
Off'ring shade to the weary, the will to stand fast.
There is no greater love than this:
That a man would lay down his life for a friend.
No terror, no torment, sweet dreams now alive,
Spring showers at morning your hope to revive.
The peace you've lost seeking through frivolous arts,
You now know as home, so no longer depart
To steal from the world all to you that's been giv'n
Abundance in mercy so that earth is now heav'n
Without fear, fight or flight, the inheritance won,
Yet precious blood spilled to call you dear son.
There is no greater love than this:
That a man would lay down his life for a friend.
Your parry and thrust bring no end to my tears.
Aloft in fear's flight seeking love to prevail,
The hand you won't hold holds the wind in your sails.
On thru the night marches discontent blind.
Each step falters further, no freedom you find.
Onward still onward to capture the crown,
So closely I follow, yet no joy you've found.
There is no greater love than this:
That a man would lay down his life for a friend.
This struggle yeilds sorrow, each seed soiled sounds:
Black trumpets, dark timbrels, light struck to the ground.
But rise again rise to pursue all the more,
To lift and to flower love's banner of war.
Once scattered and broken the good seed springs forth,
A light in the darkness to alter your course.
Great branches extend, growth eclipses the past,
Off'ring shade to the weary, the will to stand fast.
There is no greater love than this:
That a man would lay down his life for a friend.
No terror, no torment, sweet dreams now alive,
Spring showers at morning your hope to revive.
The peace you've lost seeking through frivolous arts,
You now know as home, so no longer depart
To steal from the world all to you that's been giv'n
Abundance in mercy so that earth is now heav'n
Without fear, fight or flight, the inheritance won,
Yet precious blood spilled to call you dear son.
There is no greater love than this:
That a man would lay down his life for a friend.
20120306
awakening
Today was set my execution. Trembling on my face before the king I expected only judgment. Dawn approached, and I cried mercy. Light broke across the horizon. He lifted me up and embraced me as his son. Pardoned and adopted by the king in a moment, I wept, such love.
20120226
devil's gambit. the wilderness, part 2
My head had just come to rest on the pillow. "tonight your soul will be required of you [in hell]", the voice spoke as terror struck me through. Panicked, i sat at the foot of my bed. "but serve the evil one, and you will live."
"never." "if my soul is reserved for hell and I die tonight, that will be my end, but I will not serve the enemy."
I didn't die that night. The devil is a liar. Never before or since have I heard the voice of the enemy so clearly. It still strikes me as odd, the ploy. I find it difficult to articulate the puzzling nature of this interaction. While the terror and foul foreboding were thoroughly convincing, it still feels like an 'easy A.' Would I betray the King for a little more time knowing my fate was already sealed? No. without question, but the reasoning is both apparent and veiled.
"therefore being justified by faith we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ, by whom also we have access by faith into this grace wherein we stand and rejoice in hope of the glory of God."
"never." "if my soul is reserved for hell and I die tonight, that will be my end, but I will not serve the enemy."
I didn't die that night. The devil is a liar. Never before or since have I heard the voice of the enemy so clearly. It still strikes me as odd, the ploy. I find it difficult to articulate the puzzling nature of this interaction. While the terror and foul foreboding were thoroughly convincing, it still feels like an 'easy A.' Would I betray the King for a little more time knowing my fate was already sealed? No. without question, but the reasoning is both apparent and veiled.
"therefore being justified by faith we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ, by whom also we have access by faith into this grace wherein we stand and rejoice in hope of the glory of God."
20120218
where have I been? the wilderness, part 1
On July 5, 2011 I began to reside at Beekman House, a group home or therapeutic residence for those suffering from a variety of disabling psychiatric disorders. Having been hospitalized multiple times and treated with many different medications, after months of professional care, my doctors have yet to determine a particular diagnosis. I've endured a great deal of psychological discomfort, the chief of which being times of extreme terror during which I could communicate only desperate pleas, fearing that each breath might be my last, urging the necessity that those listening commit their lives to Christ, as emphatic a presentation of the gospel as I expect any of them may have heard or may yet hear.
"do not rejoice over me my enemies: though I have fallen, I will stand up. Though I sit in darkness, the Lord will be my light."
"do not rejoice over me my enemies: though I have fallen, I will stand up. Though I sit in darkness, the Lord will be my light."
20110615
thru the night
sometimes the stars they don't seem to shine, over me, darkness covers me, and my eyes, they see no light
sometimes the suffering's just too rich for my blood, can't stand up under it, can't understand it, can't stand it
shadows grow long then fade, and goodness will light the dawn, mercy dances on the horizon
warm rays answer merrily chirped morning songs
hold on, hold on thru the night, morning comes
in and out, up and down, thru each day i'm tumblin, but i know that morning comes
restless nights tormented dreams, how can this be? what is happening? storm tossed and worn thin, am i drowning?
shadows grow long then fade, and goodness will light the dawn, mercy dances on the horizon
warm rays answer merrily chirped morning songs
hold on, hold on thru the night, morning comes
still no trace of that new light, but i'm movin thru the night cuz i know: morning comes
let the darkness come, i'll stand fast, stay strong cuz i got nothin to hide when morning comes
I'll make it thru, I have no fear, i can't feel you, but you are near
i have a living hope, one beyond reproach, you light the dawn and dry my tears
shadows grow long then fade, and goodness will light the dawn, mercy dances on the horizon
warm rays answer merrily chirped morning songs
hold on, hold on thru the night, morning comes
hold on, hold on thru the night, morning comes
sometimes the suffering's just too rich for my blood, can't stand up under it, can't understand it, can't stand it
shadows grow long then fade, and goodness will light the dawn, mercy dances on the horizon
warm rays answer merrily chirped morning songs
hold on, hold on thru the night, morning comes
in and out, up and down, thru each day i'm tumblin, but i know that morning comes
restless nights tormented dreams, how can this be? what is happening? storm tossed and worn thin, am i drowning?
shadows grow long then fade, and goodness will light the dawn, mercy dances on the horizon
warm rays answer merrily chirped morning songs
hold on, hold on thru the night, morning comes
still no trace of that new light, but i'm movin thru the night cuz i know: morning comes
let the darkness come, i'll stand fast, stay strong cuz i got nothin to hide when morning comes
I'll make it thru, I have no fear, i can't feel you, but you are near
i have a living hope, one beyond reproach, you light the dawn and dry my tears
shadows grow long then fade, and goodness will light the dawn, mercy dances on the horizon
warm rays answer merrily chirped morning songs
hold on, hold on thru the night, morning comes
hold on, hold on thru the night, morning comes
20110201
whisper
hey you with the bright eyes
always shining them my way
please don't look too closely
cuz I don't what i'll say
when you chase away the shadows
with that fire in your gaze
and reveal all that you've placed on my heart
all i've hidden there
for another day
but
stand a little closer
stay for one just more drink
draw me into your passion
whisper to me
all you feel about anything (x2)
here you are again with flowers in your smile
softly opening to me
as you tell of this and that
your words i will remember
cuz in your voice the oceans swell
the mountains shake
the skies they roar
and we all tremble
we must have more
i must have more
so
stand a little closer
stay for just one more drink
draw me into your passion
whisper to me
all you feel about anything (x2)
if just one look, one gentle smile
can remove all that stands between us
then have your way, have my heart
surround me with your embrace
i won't look away
touch all of you in me
just
stand a little closer
stay for just one more drink
draw me into your passion
whisper to me
all you feel about anything (x4)
stand a little closer
always shining them my way
please don't look too closely
cuz I don't what i'll say
when you chase away the shadows
with that fire in your gaze
and reveal all that you've placed on my heart
all i've hidden there
for another day
but
stand a little closer
stay for one just more drink
draw me into your passion
whisper to me
all you feel about anything (x2)
here you are again with flowers in your smile
softly opening to me
as you tell of this and that
your words i will remember
cuz in your voice the oceans swell
the mountains shake
the skies they roar
and we all tremble
we must have more
i must have more
so
stand a little closer
stay for just one more drink
draw me into your passion
whisper to me
all you feel about anything (x2)
if just one look, one gentle smile
can remove all that stands between us
then have your way, have my heart
surround me with your embrace
i won't look away
touch all of you in me
just
stand a little closer
stay for just one more drink
draw me into your passion
whisper to me
all you feel about anything (x4)
stand a little closer
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