To Kill a Pharisee, Into The Wilderness: Part 2

Even when I hated and despised you, you came for me. This I did as much as I exalted myself. I had gone as far as Baalam, seeking personal gain from my knowledge of the Holy. Seeking my own honor, to make my name great, I had taken the name of the Lord in vain. I fell away because I had not begun to believe that my Father had secured for me EVERYTHING. I had learned that He was my one source for provision, protection, etc., but I did not know to trust Him to bring about my holiness. I thought, OK, I've surrendered, now He has given me the power to kill sin. So I killed sin, outwardly, and people wondered why I was so arrogant. I studied the scriptures, and grew, and grew in knowledge. I prayed and prayed, and learned to pray holier prayers. I did good deeds, acts of mercy, kindness. I served on and led worship teams. I took all I learned in encountering the Truth through study, prayer, service, and worship, and appropriated its use for the building of my kingdom, for the construction of my own holiness. Then, one summer's day, i asked for the fear of the Lord.