There was a time when debating the validity of Christianity with a non-believer and being criticized for my “blind faith,” I would have argued that my faith was not blind, that we are surrounded with evidence. Truly we are, but that would not be my argument today. Today I would say that accusation does not nearly reach to the faith that I have been blessed with. Today I declare that we have such a great trust in our God that we believe not just blindly, but that we endure all manner of perception and understanding to the contrary, still believing. When our experience is one of great pain and affliction, when our physical suffering, our ragged emotions, our tortured thoughts testify that we are alone, His truth remains; He is with us.
Genesis 26:24
“... Do not be afraid, for I am with you; I will bless you and will increase the
number of your descendants for the sake of my servant Abraham ...”
Genesis 28:15
“I am with you and will watch over you wherever you go, and I will bring
you back to this land. I will not leave you…”
Isaiah 41:10
“...So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. ...“
Isaiah 43:2
“... When you pass through the waters, I am with you; when you pass through the streams, they will not overwhelm you.”
Isaiah 43:5
“Do not be afraid, for I am with you; I will bring your children
from the east and gather you from the west. ...”
Jeremiah 1:8
“Do not be afraid of them, for I am with you and will rescue you," declares the LORD. ...”
Jeremiah 1:19
“They will fight against you but will not overcome you, for I am
with you and will rescue you," declares the LORD. ...”
Jeremiah 15:20
“I will make you a wall to this people, a fortified wall of bronze; they will fight
against you but will not overcome you, for I am with you to rescue and save ...”
Jeremiah 30:11
“... I am with you and will save you,' declares the LORD. ...”
Jeremiah 42:11
“... whom you now fear. Do not be afraid of him, declares the LORD, for I am
with you and will save you and deliver you from his hands. ...”
Jeremiah 46:28
“... Do not be afraid, Jacob my servant, for I am with you," declares the LORD. ...”
Haggai 2:4
“Be strong, all you people of the land,' declares the LORD,
'and work. For I am with you,' declares the LORD Almighty. ...”
Matthew 28:20
“... And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age.”
20130505
20130406
Into the Wilderness: Part 1
Found this journal entry today:
[Jun 23-10]
[11:00am]
[Thinkin of when I was 19 right before I fell away from the Lord. Not that it will happen again, but that the circumstances are similar. Shortly before falling my car broke, I lost my glasses & my employment. Whatever the Lord is taking me thru, His plan hasn't changed.]
At the time of this entry my car had just broken down, I had lost my glasses and my employment. The next month I turned 29, and the following month I walked away from the Lord. In a short time I started smoking cigarettes, then drinking alcohol. Then came smoking marijuana, within minutes snorting cocaine watching porn on a 72" flat screen, and soon after abusing pain meds, snorting heroin, and regularly spending time in a dark fetish club called fallout. Rarely did I have to pay for these destructions, but I would pay. I dissolved into a lifestyle of beer for breakfast and illicit sex. By December I had become falsly convinced I'd contracted a deadly STD. I was a coward who could not face my lovers, and I was struggling to pay rent. The new year came, and I stole money from a good friend of mine, fled Richmond, and sought refuge in Brattleboro, my younger brother's home.
[Jun 23-10]
[11:00am]
[Thinkin of when I was 19 right before I fell away from the Lord. Not that it will happen again, but that the circumstances are similar. Shortly before falling my car broke, I lost my glasses & my employment. Whatever the Lord is taking me thru, His plan hasn't changed.]
At the time of this entry my car had just broken down, I had lost my glasses and my employment. The next month I turned 29, and the following month I walked away from the Lord. In a short time I started smoking cigarettes, then drinking alcohol. Then came smoking marijuana, within minutes snorting cocaine watching porn on a 72" flat screen, and soon after abusing pain meds, snorting heroin, and regularly spending time in a dark fetish club called fallout. Rarely did I have to pay for these destructions, but I would pay. I dissolved into a lifestyle of beer for breakfast and illicit sex. By December I had become falsly convinced I'd contracted a deadly STD. I was a coward who could not face my lovers, and I was struggling to pay rent. The new year came, and I stole money from a good friend of mine, fled Richmond, and sought refuge in Brattleboro, my younger brother's home.
20130128
A Mystery in Mark
My daily reading took me to Mark 14 yesterday where something stood out to me. I don't remember ever reading this part of the account before, though I know I've read through Mark. Jesus has been betrayed. His disciples have all just fled. Here we find a brief mention of a young man. "And a young man followed him, with nothing but a linen cloth about his body. And they seized him, but he left the linen cloth and ran away naked."(Mark 14:51-52 ESV) Mark 14 then continues, telling of Jesus being taken before the high priest, nothing more, before or after, about the young man. To me this was mysterious and gave me pause before I continued my reading. I returned to this and another puzzling passage in Exodus later in the evening and read them over, logging them in my journal. As I was wrapping up, I recalled Mark 10 where a man came to Jesus, asking how to inherit eternal life. "And Jesus, looking at him, loved him, and said to him, “You lack one thing: go, sell all that you have and give to the poor, and you will have treasure in heaven; and come, follow me.” Disheartened by the saying, he went away sorrowful, for he had great possessions."(Mark 10:21-22 ESV) The many times I've read the accounts of the 'rich young ruler' I have always assumed that since he went away disheartened and sorrowful, and Jesus told his disciples how hard it is for a rich man to enter the kingdom of heaven, that the young man didn't make it, that he didn't react correctly to Jesus' admonition. Last week when I read this account in Mark 10, what stood out to me was that "Jesus LOVED him, and said..." I believe Jesus loved him and gave him instructions that empowered the young man to obey. I believe that he went away grief stricken because he was torn between the great possessions he had in this world and the life that Jesus offered, but I believe that Jesus love for him prevailed. Jesus' commands to us contain within them the power to carry them out. I think this young man in Mark 14, covered only with a linen cloth, had sold all his possessions and given them to the poor, and had come to follow his master. To me this strengthens Jesus' word to his disciples in Mark 10, "Jesus looked at them and said, “With man it is impossible, but not with God. For all things are possible with God.”"(Mark 10:27 ESV)
20130111
Skiing Okemo
I Hit the treeline twice. The bindings on the skis were too loose; they kept flying off. The first time I hit the treeline my pole got caught in the snow bank and snatched my arm up over my head... The second time my ski shot way up into the woods and I had to hike through four feet of snow to get it. But I went all the way to the summit today and made it to the bottom, however painfully, without medical transport. IT was a good day, which I will still be feeling tomorrow, and the next day...
20121209
Untitled
Lost without your love inside the fear that takes its place
Why do I seek out shadows and disgrace
When I know your heart aches after me
Torn with love and mercy, that I might see your face
You say come to me, come to me now
We can let the pain let the past fall away
You say come rest in me
I'll give you a brand new day, a brand new name
Oh bring me to that place oh God where I once blessed your name
Let a purging wind, flame and violence strip me bare of all my sin and shame
I'm crying out, Father look on me with love
So lost again just tell me I'm your son
You say come to me, come to me now
We can let the pain let the past fall away
You say come rest in me
I'll give you a brand new day, a brand new name
Here inside your warm embrace, I'm finding nothing separates
How can you be so good?
You endured my treachery, my disaffection, and then you spilled your blood
Then you spilled your blood
You say come to me, come to me now
We can let the pain let the past fall away
You say come rest in me
I'll give you a brand new day, a brand new name
All to you I owe, and there's nothing that can match your endless love
Here inside your broken heart for me
Don't ever let me go
Don't let me slip away
VIDEO
Why do I seek out shadows and disgrace
When I know your heart aches after me
Torn with love and mercy, that I might see your face
You say come to me, come to me now
We can let the pain let the past fall away
You say come rest in me
I'll give you a brand new day, a brand new name
Oh bring me to that place oh God where I once blessed your name
Let a purging wind, flame and violence strip me bare of all my sin and shame
I'm crying out, Father look on me with love
So lost again just tell me I'm your son
You say come to me, come to me now
We can let the pain let the past fall away
You say come rest in me
I'll give you a brand new day, a brand new name
Here inside your warm embrace, I'm finding nothing separates
How can you be so good?
You endured my treachery, my disaffection, and then you spilled your blood
Then you spilled your blood
You say come to me, come to me now
We can let the pain let the past fall away
You say come rest in me
I'll give you a brand new day, a brand new name
All to you I owe, and there's nothing that can match your endless love
Here inside your broken heart for me
Don't ever let me go
Don't let me slip away
VIDEO
20121129
The Gift
How long 'til you find it has rained all these years?
Your parry and thrust bring no end to my tears.
Aloft in fear's flight seeking love to prevail,
The hand you won't hold holds the wind in your sails.
On thru the night marches discontent blind.
Each step falters further, no freedom you find.
Onward still onward to capture the crown,
So closely I follow, yet no joy you've found.
There is no greater love than this:
That a man would lay down his life for a friend.
This struggle yeilds sorrow, each seed soiled sounds:
Black trumpets, dark timbrels, light struck to the ground.
But rise again rise to pursue all the more,
To lift and to flower love's banner of war.
Once scattered and broken the good seed springs forth,
A light in the darkness to alter your course.
Great branches extend, growth eclipses the past,
Off'ring shade to the weary, the will to stand fast.
There is no greater love than this:
That a man would lay down his life for a friend.
No terror, no torment, sweet dreams now alive,
Spring showers at morning your hope to revive.
The peace you've lost seeking through frivolous arts,
You now know as home, so no longer depart
To steal from the world all to you that's been giv'n
Abundance in mercy so that earth is now heav'n
Without fear, fight or flight, the inheritance won,
Yet precious blood spilled to call you dear son.
There is no greater love than this:
That a man would lay down his life for a friend.
Your parry and thrust bring no end to my tears.
Aloft in fear's flight seeking love to prevail,
The hand you won't hold holds the wind in your sails.
On thru the night marches discontent blind.
Each step falters further, no freedom you find.
Onward still onward to capture the crown,
So closely I follow, yet no joy you've found.
There is no greater love than this:
That a man would lay down his life for a friend.
This struggle yeilds sorrow, each seed soiled sounds:
Black trumpets, dark timbrels, light struck to the ground.
But rise again rise to pursue all the more,
To lift and to flower love's banner of war.
Once scattered and broken the good seed springs forth,
A light in the darkness to alter your course.
Great branches extend, growth eclipses the past,
Off'ring shade to the weary, the will to stand fast.
There is no greater love than this:
That a man would lay down his life for a friend.
No terror, no torment, sweet dreams now alive,
Spring showers at morning your hope to revive.
The peace you've lost seeking through frivolous arts,
You now know as home, so no longer depart
To steal from the world all to you that's been giv'n
Abundance in mercy so that earth is now heav'n
Without fear, fight or flight, the inheritance won,
Yet precious blood spilled to call you dear son.
There is no greater love than this:
That a man would lay down his life for a friend.
20120306
awakening
Today was set my execution. Trembling on my face before the king I expected only judgment. Dawn approached, and I cried mercy. Light broke across the horizon. He lifted me up and embraced me as his son. Pardoned and adopted by the king in a moment, I wept, such love.
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